Sunday, April 6, 2008

There was a time when she did not know how to cry. Those days were long gone. Too many tears had fallen since then.
Tears of all description. Big, fat, wet rolling tears that fell from her eyes like hot water bottles. Empty, dry, tiny tears that really didn't want to fall at all. Cold and lonely tears that left her feeling hollow and afraid. Tears that snuck upon her from some far away place of old feelings. Tears that left her reeling and surprised by their force.
Tears that left her sobbing uncontrollably on the floor.
Angry tears that stung her eyes and felt as though they were cutting through her cheeks as they fell. Tears of anguish that fell like blood falling from heart and through her eyes.
Tears of loss that never seemed to end once they had begun. There where tears that had been waiting for so long the felt as though they where coming out and nothing she could do would stem their flow. There were tears that fell for so long that afterwood she felt so empty of tears she believed she would never shed another. Tears she cried for others that she knew and cared about, for their suffering and pain. Tears she cried for others that she did not know, but felt for all the same. 
It has been written that the pain we feel is the breaking of the shell that encases all of our feelings. If this is true and she did believe it to be so:
Then she understood and let the tears fall like rain. When that happened things began to change... Tears of joy and love also fell from her eyes, her eyes which now shone.
The clouds which had once blurred her vision had lifted.
All those tears that she cried, that needed to be cried, gave her freedom to breath and be.
To feel what was underneath all that pain was at first overwhelming, for the unfamiliar feelings of peace and hope and joy had been trapped so long underneath the familiar feelings of hopelessness and despair, anger and shame. As time went by she settled more and more comfortably in her own skin.
The suffering that had kept her company for so long was no longer trapped inside of her.
For she had cried a million tears, maybe even more...

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