It was an unwelcome yet strangely familiar feeling, like coming home.
Years of her life had been spent existing with this feeling,
Yet somehow its presence in her life today felt disheartening.
For so long, when she knew no better, it didn't seem to matter.
But since she had grown and learned about herself and that time in her life,
She no longer welcomed that feeling.
Letting go of what never was seems to be such an unfathomable
thing to do,
For it hardly makes any sense at all to feel such loss.
Letting go of pain and the misery of its weight,
Wouldn't that be an unquestionably easy thing to do?
After all she had longed for its absence in her life...
But still she kept it close, as if she were guarding it,
For so long it was all she had known.
Fearing she would be nothing without it but a fragile and hollow shell.
Believing that she would not know how to live without the pain,
For it was giving her both the reason and the need to survive.
She was such a contradiction and she felt every bit of it.
It was her pain and it was precious for she knew it
And she knew it well.
She understood it when she understood little else in her life.
To let it all go was such an act of faith and to grow into that faith
Took her on the wildest journey for the longest time.
When she finally did surrender and believe she had the strength
And courage to let go it was with her whole heart and soul.
Remembering this, she realized that this unwelcome return of
Old emotion was just a visit, it was not here to stay.
Only just to linger a while and remind her how she had grown.